shards of ice
by tatty ted
Summary: Tammy Edwards hasn't seen her Aunt since the age of thirteen so why does she want to see her now. She says it's just a visit but is there more to Tammy then meets the eye? And will Jill ever find out her niece's secrets? - —Jill/OC.
1. CHAPTER I

ϟ

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**CHAPTER ONE**.  
_remember to let her into your heart._

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She sits in the waiting room, legs crossed over, one hand on her large bright pink handbag. She found herself here, in The Royal by following some rather basic directions on a paper napkin. She thought that by visiting her Aunt she'd get better as she hadn't "felt right for a while".

She's been sat there a couple of minutes the receptionist nowhere to be seen. She would've stood up and waited by the desk but there was a gentleman before her who was bleeding deeply and she didn't want to get blood on her new shoes.

After all image was everything to young Tammy.

When the receptionist, a blonde girl not much older than herself came back and had dealt with the man who was bleeding, Tammy decided then to go to the desk. Standing up from her seat, she picked up the bag of the seat beside her and walked towards the desk.

"Hello?"

"Hi." She smiled warmly at the woman, "Is Doctor Weatherill around?"

"I'm afraid Doctor Weatherill's been called out on an emergency. I can get another Doctor to see you if you like?"

"No thank you, it's fine. I'll wait over there." Tammy smiled and walked back to the seat she'd occupied a couple of minutes earlier. Sitting down, she unzipped her travel bag and took out her reading book. She hoped to try and pass the next couple of hours.

/

Perhaps, she concluded not that long later that reading a book in the waiting room of a Surgery was perhaps not the best of ideas. She'd not even read half way down the page when a fight started between a policeman and a patient.

Her attention, at that point, was completely diverted from the book and on to the rather cute Doctor who was helping to calm the patient down. The Doctor, whoever he was had a pair of very good legs, Tammy noted. (She found out later he was called Doctor Goodwin.)

The place grew quiet again and Tammy went back to reading. She didn't enjoy reading as such, sometimes she found the activity to be restless but her mother once said that you needed a good book to be able to enjoy it. Now Tammy was certain she'd found one.

"Doctor Weatherill there's a girl to see you, she's over there."

Tammy closed the book, placed it back in her bag and looked up, "Hello Auntie Jill."

"Tammy! It's lovely to see you." As she stood up, she embraced her Auntie into a hug. It had been a while since they'd last seen each other, the last time Jill could remember was when Tammy was thirteen years old and that was at Christmas.

/

"So what brings you here?"

It's a question Tammy left to linger for a moment. What _was_ she doing here? She sat on the edge of the desk, swinging her legs backwards and forwards like a child. Could she really be truthful and explain to her Aunt, her mother had kicked her out for being a dirty slapper and bringing shame on the family?

"I wanted to come and visit you."

There was a pause, "And the real reason?"

She swallowed hard, "That is the real reason, I asked mum and she said it wouldn't be a problem. I would've called or something but — well I wanted it to be a surprise." She smiled brightly at her Auntie.

"Anyway, enough about me! How are you?"

Her Auntie is doing fine without her in her life. So well she's gotten herself a boyfriend. Well, Tammy's presuming the reason her Auntie's so happy is because of a male presence. Her Auntie definitely deserved some happiness after the drama of recent years.

"So who is he?" She asks. Jill tries to avoid the question but Tammy isn't having any of it, "Nobody."

"Don't avoid the question." Her Auntie says he's a Doctor and he has two children. Tammy hopes the Doctor in question isn't the fine looking man she saw earlier, he looks too young to be Jill's type. But again, she wouldn't put anything past her.

Nothing at all.

"Tammy? If there was something troubling you, you would tell me wouldn't you?" Tammy doesn't answer Jill's question straightaway instead she looks down at the desk. Would she tell her if something was troubling her?

"Of course." She answers eventually, forces a smile and stands up. It's only when her back's turned, she realises that she'll never be able to confinde in her Aunt about anything and perhaps becoming to Elsinby was another mistake she had made.

/

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	2. CHAPTER II

ϟ

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**CHAPTER TWO**.  
_telling tales and biting nails._

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DEAR AUNTIE, she puts the pen down and pauses. This, right here is what her life consists of. Running away from her problems and write half-meaningless letters to the people who've been so kind to help her.

She can't stay here but she hasn't got anywhere to go either. She doesn't want to outstay her welcome by staying with her Aunt when her Aunt is obviously busy and hasn't got time to be dealing with pathetic Nieces which is what Tammy is.

DEAR AUNTIE, she re-reads, picks up the pen and begins to write;

_I'm ever so sorry to just turn up out of the blue and to leave without saying goodbye. It's wrong of me I know but I don't think I can stay a moment longer. There's a reason why I came to see you, at that moment I was out of places to sleep. _

_I didn't find your address from mother, we haven't spoken in three years. My fault of course had I not being a slapper and brought shame on the family, I wouldn't have spent three years trying to find some comfort in leaving home and missing my family._

_I wish I could've told you myself but I'm a coward and I can't. Sadly this letter will have to make do because as usual, I'm running away._

_Tammy x_

She finishes writing, folds the letter in half and places it inside an envelope. She writes her Auntie's name on the front and leaves it by her beside table. In the morning she'll leave it on the fireplace and leave, hopefully never going to be seen again.

/

She sticks to her plan first thing in the morning. She hears the car engine start and drive away from the house and she knows it's safe to carry out her plan. She stands up out of bed and changes into yesterday's clothes.

She picks up the letter she wrote yesterday and along with her bag, walks downstairs. She stands the letter up by the fireplace, next to the photograph of her when she was twelve, sighs deeply and closes the living room door.

Putting on her shoes, she picks up her bag one more time and leaves the house. Where now, she finds herself wondering as she walks down the street. It's cold outside, colder than she anticipated and she wraps her coat around her tightly feeling goosebumps on her arms.

She walks until her feet ache and she's near the seafront. It reminds her of the times when she was young with her brother and they'd bury each other in the sand. Tammy sighs. Oh how she wished life could return to being that simple, when you didn't have to worry about anything.

She buys a coffee and sits at a table overlooking the sea, hoping to plan her next journey and hope it's better than the one she's currently on.

/

She doesn't know how long she's been sat at the cafe, looking at the sea and counting the waves but she presumes it's been a while. The sun is about to go down over the hills and the tides coming in and the cafe is about to close for the evening.

She finishes her drink, puts her bag on her shoulder and stands up. Tammy leaves and walks down the street, heading towards the red telephone box that's at the end of the street. She doesn't know who she's going to call but she's got a fair idea.

She puts a couple of coins into the machine, dialled a familiar number and pressed the phone against her ear.

_"Aidensfield Arms?"_

She took a deep breath, "Oscar it's Tammy, I've got a massive favour to ask."

/

Sorted! She says out loud as she returns the phone. She's got a bed for the night at Aidensfield Arms. She used to work there when she was currently in between jobs, it was a great little place to work, the village people were nice enough.

She's worked as everything in the last three years to provide her with money,

She steps out into the road without looking, hears the screeches of tyres and turns to the side of her. The car's driving towards her and she's frozen on the spot, staring as it gets nearer and nearer.

_Thump._

The car collides with her, sends her flying and the last thing Tammy remembers before she losing consciousness is that the sky looks beautiful being multicoloured and there's an annoying throbbing pain in her side.

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	3. CHAPTER III

ϟ

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**CHAPTER THREE**.  
_the taste of her cherry chapstick._

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A man picks up the body of the unconscious girl and carries her into the nearby hospital. "Someone's gotta help me. I swear I never meant to hit her, she stepped out in front of me; there was nothing I could do."

Lizzie looks at the man, then the unconscious girl in her arms. She nods and sees Doctor Ormerod, "Doctor Ormerod, there's an emergency."

She watches as they both disappear down the corridor and hopes that the young girl is okay. She notices that the girl looks familiar but can't quiet put her finger on where she's seen her before.

/

Tammy begins to come around and she feels someone's hand on her wrist. Instinctively, she pulls her arm away and blinks. The room is pale and she guesses she's in hospital — the white walls were a definite giveaway.

"Hello?" Tammy looks to the side of her where the Nurse is. She smiles a little and answers back, "Hi."

There's a pause. Tammy notices that she doesn't feel pain, nothing is throbbing and nothing hurts. Her whole body aches but she presumes that'll be expected. She did after all, step out in front of a car.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine, better than fine, when can I go home?"

"When the Doctor's been to see you." She hears what the Nurse has to say and takes another look around the room. This room, it's familiar and she comes to the horrible conclusion that she's in The Royal, the place her Auntie works.

"Which Doctor is that?" She says as her heart begins to race. She begins to feel sick and it only subsides when the Nurse tells her that the Doctor will be Doctor Ormerod. She's relieved it's not her Aunt because — well how can you really explain what's just happened to your Aunt?

"Do you remember what happened?"

Tammy nods, "I got ran over, my own fault I didn't look properly."

"What's your name?" The question is left to linger, "Tammy — Tammy Edwards."

"I won't be a minute." The nurse leaves her alone. She looks around the room again and sighs, a trip to the hospital was something she definitely wasn't expecting this evening. She wondered how long she'd have to stay.

/

She's lucky really to have only substained cuts and bruises in the accident.

/

She fiddles with the bracelet in her hands before she looks up at the psychiatrist; "I should've known it wouldn't be long before you found out."

Tammy knew deep down that it wouldn't be long before the Doctor's received her file and discovered her past. In the last three years, she had been in and out of hospital, a lot more than she should. Not to mention nine times out of ten her injures were self-inflicated.

"Was it an accident?"

"Would you really care if it wasn't?" Tammy shoots back. Doctor's, they were all the same. Pretending to care, get her an appointment or two then fuck her off when she seemed to be making progress.

"I see this isn't the first time you've tried to kill yourself." Lucy presses. Tammy glares at her (if looks could kill) and answers back;

"I _didn't_ try to kill myself. I just didn't look across the road but seeing as nobody will take the word of an emotionally damaged adult, we won't ever agree on it."

She looks around the room, the small side-room that she's been given. It's similar to the treatment room in terms of colour, sickly pale. She wonders why they, the people who decorate insist on the room being a colour nobody likes.

If only she had a paintbrush, she'd apply some colour to the room.

"What are you thinking?"

She turns her head gently, makes eye contact with Lucy and sighs; "You wouldn't understand."

"Wouldn't I?"

/

"She seems an emotionally troubled girl. There's a lot of pain that's causing her to react in these patterns of self-destructive behaviour. If we can find out when this all started, perhaps we can help break the pattern of behaviour. On the other hand, she may not want to break that behaviour pattern and that's what's going to take time out of everything; the re-thinking process and getting her to cope with her emotions."

/

"Tammy, if you don't tell us what's wrong; there's nothing we can do to help."

"Talking never solved anything." She answers before she excused herself by saying she had to use the toilet. As she left, she took one look behind her and went to the one place she knew she'd be safe — at least for a little while anyway.

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	4. CHAPTER IV

ϟ

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**CHAPTER FOUR**.  
_yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen._

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The garden located in the middle of the hospital was beautiful. In it's surroundings were a lot of different flowers, all different shapes and colours. She sat in the middle of them, stroking the petals and wondering why the little things had the most beauty.

She wasn't beautiful, well not like Penelope or her Auntie Jill or for anyone for that matter. She was a plain jane overlooked by everyone in life because she didn't sparkle like the others. Come to think of it she was like Cinderella (less beautiful and perfect) of this life.

She strokes the petals of the rose, the colour bright and bold. She smiles as she runs her fingers over its softness, "Tammy, you're meant to be in bed."

She stops stroking the petal and turns her attention to the person who's just called her name. Her eyes fall upon the Sister and she smiles softly, stands up and apologises;

"Sorry Sister, I was just thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

She walks closer to the Sister, looks behind her at the flowers and answers; "Why the smallest things have the most beauty and well—it doesn't matter."

She pauses, unwilling to elaborate any further. She realises in that moment that tthe only way she's going to get some beauty and colour into her life is by talking. Re-evaluating her thought process and letting go off the dark clouds that hold her back will ensure, over time, some happiness, right?

"Sister?" This time she makes eye contact with her; "Can you find me Doctor Weatherill please? She's my Aunt you see and well—she doesn't know I'm here yet. I think—I think I should talk to her."

/

She lies in bed in the pasty white room staring at the yellow curtain's that look like they could do with a wash. She's twisting the bedsheets in her hand, experiencing a hundred different emotions. What if her Aunt didn't want anything to do with her once she found out the truth?

Tammy couldn't risk being hurt again, not after last time.

"I—" She pauses gathering her thoughts, "It wasn't mum's idea to come and see you, in fact I haven't seen mum in three years. When I was seventeen I got pregnant. I was expected to marry but I couldn't, I didn't know the father. Mum called me a dirty little slapper and threw me onto the streets."

"Tammy, why didn't you tell me?" Jill perches on the edge of the bed and looks at her niece.

"Shame I guess, I didn't want to ruin your life and bring shame on you for my stupid mistake."

"What happened to the baby?"

There's a silence for a moment or two, "I killed it. A backstreet abortion for fifty pounds. I thought — _if_ I got rid off it mum would want me back but she didn't. For three years I don't know how I survived physically or emotionally. You were my last resort but I realised I could never — ever get you to understand."

"I'm your Aunt Tammy; it's my job to protect you." She strokes her niece's hair, "I wouldn't be a very good Aunt if I didn't do that would I?"

"No, I guess not." There is a silence before Jill plants a kiss on her niece's head and whispers; "Go to sleep, we'll talk some more in the morning."

Tammy smiles softly, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Tammy."

As the door closes, Tammy whispers into the dark; "I love you."

/

She doesn't sleep well, in fact at one point she doesn't sleep at all. It's late, five past three in the morning and she's lying in bed, wiping away the track marks along her cheeks; trying to make it look like she isn't crying. She fails miserably in doing so, especially as her eyes are red raw and you can _just_ tell she's been crying.

She falls asleep eventually; slightly sucking on her thumb like she did as a child. Oh how she'd love to go back to that age when the world didn't matter and you could just be free. Not hating the world and her presence in it.

She wasn't suicidal as such because being suicidal would meant killing yourself. Tammy — Tammy isn't that brave. She's attempted it but deep down, she didn't really want to die. She just hoped somebody, somewhere, would care enough about her to want to save her.

She knows that when she leaves here there's a whole world out here, a world that isn't without its drama or emotion. A world that's going to be difficult one day and rewarding the next. A journey. An emotional rollercoaster but also recovery.

A chance to finally leave the past where it belongs and be free.

"Tammy?" She feels the warmth of her Aunt's hand on her hand and she smiles softly. Her Aunt, the woman she always inspired to be like was, in Tammy's eyes simply wonderful and perfect. But nobody was perfect, such perfection was an illusion, Tammy believed.

"Yes?"

There's a pause — a silence between the two. It's comfortable not awkward or tense. Tammy looks around the room and for the first time since she's been there, the room looks brighter and definitely not as pale.

"I've been thinking, well Gordon and I and we'd like you to move in with us."

She doesn't have to think off the reasons to decline, "I can't I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"You've made a life here without me. I don't want to ruin that especially not with all my problems." She sighs, "But thank you for the offer, it shows you haven't disowned me already."

"Tammy—" Jill smiles, "Come and live with us until you find somewhere to stay? When you've found your feet and got better than you can move out. If you don't want to move out, you can stay. What do you say?"

Rolling her eyes she smiles; "Fine! But only till I've found my feet okay?"

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	5. EPILOGUE

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**EPILOGUE**.  
_low self-esteem and vertigo._

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"And the Prince and Princess lived happily ever after." She closes the book and places it on the top of the bedside table. She looks down at the two children, one boy and one girl and smiles brightly.

"Come on guys, time for bed!"

The two children run into separate bedrooms and Tammy goes into Tom's bedroom first. Tucking him into bed, she kisses his forehead and whispers goodnight. She does the same to Katie, double checks on both children before she goes downstairs.

"They're both flat out." She announces as she sits down on the sofa, her legs tucked underneath her. Jill smiles at her niece, she always did have a nack with children and she was perfect with Katie and Tom. In fact, she had settled in perfectly well, better than Jill expected.

Jill and Gordon exchanged a glance which wasn't missed by Tammy.

"What?" There was a pause, another silence; "Gordon and I have something we'd like to tell you."

"Go on." Tammy prompts, "You want me to move out?"

Jill laughs and shakes her head; "No we don't. Gordon and I, we'd like to adopt you, if that's okay by you."

She answers; "You want to adopt me? But why?"

"Because your family and we love you." Tammy laughs, she stands up and walks towards Gordon and Jill. Then she kisses both their cheeks, embraces them into a hug and nods; "I'd love to become part of your family, thank you!"

That night she falls asleep, sucking her thumb and holding her teddy bear close to her chest. Life isn't easy and in Tammy's eyes, it'll never be but with the love of her family, she'd be sure to make every moment worthwhile. Slowly, by letting go off the past, colour was pouring into her life.

And Tammy couldn't be happier.

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**jottings** — the ending, good or bad? i actually enjoyed writing this, i have plans for a sequel if people would like to read more tammy adventures? again, if you like it enough to favourite, please leave me a review.


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